Cry.

It's just me and King again. Brandon left last night. I'm not even sure how to feel about that! It's like, we do need time apart, but I really hate being by myself. That's why I feel so selfish in this situation, and I`m not sure how to fix it. It's all really hard to understand, even to myself.
I love Brandon, but I just don't know about a relationship with him right now. I'm not even going to lie, things were back on track between us before V came into the picture. Everyone--including my mother-- claims that I'm blinded by his money. It's definitely not that, it's just that I've been hit with a bout of nostalgia. Before I met Brandon, I was involved with V, from practically ninth grade to eleventh. When I met Brandon V and I's relationship [even friendship-wise] went to hell. First, I just really missed his friendship so we talked a lot more and Brandon got really irritable about that, claiming that he's my new boyfriend and whatnot. India began to wonder.. It's not like I wanna be with V forever but it would be nice to know ... I can't explain it. that sounds really bad. Well anywho, I believe I liked V a total of two days before I thought it was just overrated but then I began to just feel smothered by the thought of a relationship, so I asked Brandon for time by my lonesome. That brought on many days of fights.
Am I wrong for wanting time to see what I want? I understand that 14 months into a relationship is a terrible time to soul search, but I don't want to go any further blindly. My thoughts are coming out jumbled. =(
Anyways, I believe I`m on punishment, now that Brandon's gone. When we dropped him off my mom told me that I cannot leave this house or have guests. & then she told me how cold hearted I was and how she doesn't understand how I operate ... it was a lot of things. I`m trying to figure out in what country is that acceptable to tell your child. Eh. I guess I am cold hearted... I've stopped caring about most things.

I just reeeealllly need to get to Michigan State before I lose my mind here.