Just taking a little break from doing homework to just update Blogspot about my news and whatnot ..

Uhm, last week my cousin Kenyatta was found hung in a jail cell.. Odd, considering he only had 20 days left. Would you kill yourself if you had 20 days left of jail? Murder, much?

I have a job. I work at Sparty's. =). I start tomorrow and I am beyond nervous. I`m not so sure how to make some drinks and I have absolutely NO idea how to work the register.. Lol, this is going to suuuuuck, considering that I start at the register, basically. Whompp! I think I`m going to get fired. My work schedule is kind of cute, though. Mondays from 1pm-4pm; Wednesdays from 10am-4pm; and everyone other Sunday 8pm-11:30pm [closing shiiiiift]

Classes are fairly easy, also. I`m not really overwhelmed.. but I`m sure that'll be coming soon.

Idk .. I feel myself getting angrier and angrier about things. I hate it. The people I`m indifferent to don't deserve it. So yeah. =\ I feel bad, and maybe I should just take a break from everyone .. ? Idk, whomp.

I`m stuck between a rock and a hard place when it comes to this relationship shit...

Last time I blogged was almost a month ago. Scary.

I go to school in 6 days. I`m more excited than what words can express.

The only sucky thing is, like always, my family. Wanna know why my dad isn't joining us in EL?

He's taking my little brother to Michigan Adventures, that's why. =|. Yup.

Because getting in the wave pool is more important than seeing me transition into another phase in my life.

I`m getting reeeeally hard to leave this shit roll off my back. After almost 18 years of having to deal with this shit, it doesn't get easier.

I`m almost last, it feels like.

Aah well! When I`m successful, he'll have his hand out.

I`ll give him the voucher for the nursing home. ^_^.

On the 13th my 4 year old cousin Symara was killed in a car accident.

Fucked me up. She was four, for one.

Two, I didn't know her well.

My only memory of lil mama was when she was a baby, and I had gone over their house after going to the eye doctor. She kept trying to snatch the black sunglasses off of my face.

Aaaah, =\.

At least she isn't suffering in this world, you know...

I`m just really ready to start classes.. I`m just not sure how I`m going to pay for all of my books and whatnot. =\. I need a miracle, like now.

I hate struggling.

This shall pass. I just need to start a job right quick.

I need to finish The Soloist so I can regain my social life. Lol.

Toodles.

Blogging from my new Blackberry. I guess it'll give me the will to blog more often! This apartment is actually tres dull. I need to read The Soloist before the 30th but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. Whomp. Errr ... What else is going on .. ? I'm conflicted about a few things, that's about all.. We'll see how they play out in the future.

I'm tired, so this shall become the shortest blog that I've ever put thought into! Goodnight/morning!

^_^

Long time no write, ey?

Idk, I just decided if I didn't have anything positive to share, then I wasn't going to share at all.

For starters, my mom and I have moved into an apartment near downtown. It took me some time to get used to it, but I decided that I just have to adapt, and adapt I have!

Some unfortunate things happened earlier this month, & I just hope everyone can move past them, 'cause I have! Indie don't stay down for too long, you know!

Now, to the smaller things.

I went to AOP at Michigan State. Talk about BORING, but I did pick my classes! I have remedial math, which is expected because I`m horrible at the subject, and because I haven't had a math class in one and a half years. I`m just rusty. I tested into a high French course level but they stuck me in a second semester Freshman French course. I don't mind, as long as I have a French class of some sort! I plan on studying in France or somewhere in Africa. It could come in handy! I have a writing class and a Tennis class, also! There's a course I`m failing to mention, but when I figure it out, I`ll update you!

I have to read The Soloist by August 30th, also. I`ll get to crackin` on that in the morn!

I made some friends also, but eh. We'll see about them.

AH! My summer anthem has been Alright by Ledisi! That song inspires the hell out of me.

In other news, eff my cousins. I don't like them, sans Cousin B. 'cause he da realest nigga livin`. Lmfao, I went there. Besides him, they're all whores. I can't get with that. Nope. I can't even pretend anymore, sooo I`m eliminating them from my life as much as I can!

AH, so I don't have anything else to share, really... so until next time!!

=).

I'm watching Conan, ^_^.

I'm feeling sort of down, but I know this will pass!

It's just some stuff that I wish I had back...

I'll tell you guys about that once it actually happens!

Anymew, tomorrow [today, technically] is my AOP for MSU.

I'm so excited.. =) I just can't wait until school starts.

I'm ready for the new people, the classes, the new environment.

Everything.

I`m feeling optimistic at the moment. ^_^.

Whooo, short little post, but little random thoughts make the most sense later on.

Meow meow meow!

Hopefully everything goes my waaay!

Wish me luck for tomorrow!

We're hanging in the balanceee. I hate it.

I really wish I could fall back in love with the boy I met at the rink.

I miss him so much. =\

I wish I never fucked up our 'good thing' earlier this year.

I just really want to be happy again.

I want to be happy with you again, but our mistakes have clouded our future.

I want to let go but I put sooo much into our relationship. I don't want to see it ruined.

----

It wasn't a 4-bus long trip, luckily. Only two, and we got there in less than an hour.

I might have to do that more often.

I think I`m the only teenager that reads Jackie Collins books. They're usually geared towards the middle-aged, but they're fucking great. Everyone should read American Star at least once. I read it went I was 12, lmfao.

Anywho, I had a fairly nice day. Mom & I didn't argue. Brandon's over: he came to the library with me, because I didn't want to catch all of those buses by myself.

I feel happier.

Yaaaay, right?

I do have a bangin` ass headache, though. Too much Burger King'll do that shit to you, =\.

I thought about catching up on my birth control, but then I decided against it. that would mean a double dose of the shit, & I really don't want to do that. Hallelujah for me going back to the damn doctor in July. I`m almost certain my gyno is trying to kill me with all of these pills that make me want to kill myself. MEH.

July is going to be fun. There will be a lot of activities. ^_^ Wheeee. I go up to MSU then, too. Twice. ^_^. My AOP is on the 7th, & I`m nervous as hellllll... Idk what to expect, but everyone else said that they freakin` loved their day up there, and didn't wanna go home. I'm just nervous. I`m not sure if people will like me, or what.. Lol. Then I go to MAGIC for a week. 19th-24th. ^_^. I`m really excited about that, although not really because those dorms don't have air. Well eff my life.. Lol.

I`m just really excited for the fall. I`m just ready to be a nurse, already. Lol. I want to see the moneyyyyy. I want to be an adult, maaaan. Graduating from high school made me feel no different, actually. I`m doing the same shit I was doing in high school. I`m actually milder than I was in 9th grade! Meh.

I should reeeeeeallly stop rambling, lol.

----

yaay, I can blog from Safari now. I couldn't with 4 Beta, but today I finally decided not to be a lazeass and update it.

Whee.

I`m taking a 4-bus trip to the main branch library tomorrow. Yes. The bus. Bwahahaha. This shall be interesting. It's going to take forever, so I guess I have to charge my iPod.

I`m taking a vow of celibacy, that should last the whole summer. Let's see how this works out.

I got new contacts today. That cheered me up a little bit.

Our little adventure in 18 days should be fun. That is, if we still go.

I wish I could get out of this funk I`m in. I`m not even sure what's causing it.

meh meh meh meh meh! =\.

I just really want to go off to school now. Like, even more than ever. I need to busy myself.

The worst moment of my life was walking across the stage and hearing you gloating, yelling "that's my baby," as if you molded me or something. THAT'S what made me tear up that day, you false claiming me. I'm called a Smith ONLY when I do something right, and never as a whole..

I`m trying to figure out why I`m so pressed about him not answering his phone today..
=\.
I don't understand why I keep letting this man hurt my feelings.

Although I got most of my hateful feelings out in that message, I still feel the need to strangle her for more information. WHY DINO, THOUGH?! FUCK SOME OTHER GUY, DAMN. Singlehandedly, she (well, they) ruined my perception of how I thought life was going to be: WITH Dino & several children with a house and the white picket fence and whatnot... I see everything without Dino now; the male's face is a blur.
I don't like feeling this way. A part of me deep down still wants to have everything with that knuckle headed boy. Another part of me is just yearning for happiness. I don't think I'll ever be 100% that with Brandon. Anything that we've done in the privacy of a bedroom, I picture him with other girls. It makes me feel insecure and uncertain. What if he does it again? Although he promises he won't, I don't know the validity of those any longer. =\. I just want to be certain about at least ONE thing right about now.

I mean, my night ended smoothly until I saw the bullshit excuses she gave me as to why all of that shit went down.
I have problems, but I`m not fucking every boy I let into my house.
I--okay, let me stop judging her.
I could respect this a shitload more if it WASN'T.HER.
Well, I couldn't.
i don't know.
i`m talking to myself.
i`d much rather this be a dream that I could wake up from.
I would be able to just laugh this shit off.
But, instead, I`m up at 5:20am in tears.
Fuck my life .. ?

---

Haven't updated this shit positively in a while! Well, things are going okay. I`m out of my week-long slump, so that's a start.
Everyone knows I still love D, but we have an understanding. So, yeah. We can drop that for a little bit. ^_^.
I embarrassed the SHIT out of myself in front of R, and I never want to speak to him again, that's how bad it was, lmfao. Ok, well not really, but for me to be an introvert in front of guys, that shit was just not kosher! I`m cringing just thinking about it. BWAH.
Khloe, Siobahn, Tishie, & Kieona are the most unsupportive supportive friends there are. They laughed at me before they decided to help me with my problems. And when I was about to cry they cackled even louder. BUT HEY. I`m just glad I got them fools. Lol.

Hm, this was mildly purposeless, so... I`m just going to finish my Vanilla Coke [that is rare as hell, might I add!] & clean my room!

Au revoir!

Hm. I should join the 'I Fucked Dino' club. The numbers are rising steadily.
Each day I feel as if you never fucking loved me, & that I was just a fucking crutch; someone you KNEW would do anything for you. Fuck that shit.
I've been dry-eyed for three days now. I plan on staying that way. [shrug]

I`m almost certain I hate myself.
I fuck everything up.
I apologize for everything.





I`m a fucking mess. A fucking mess that doesn't deserve to be loved; who doesn't even deserve to be on this earth right now.

Houstatlantavegas.

Recapping prom dayy: Horrible. I've never ever had a bad day like that. Everything just went wrong. I wasn't getting my way, my date was being a douche, and ... everything was just failing. My hair was put on hiatus because the makeup artist came 20 minutes early. My hair took about an hour longer than anticipated, also. EVERYTHING went wrong with my date. We did not get the car that I wanted, and besides that WE DIDN'T MATCH. He had on red, and I had on black white and silver. [facepalm] How irritating. Prom was ok. I didn't dance. I took pictures of everyone looking really nice, though. I left prom early, ditched my date, and went to Steak & Shake with the threadlings. Best thing that happened all day.

Onto boy news, like always: V = out of the picture. R = still contemplating if we'd be better friends than anything else.. Dino = we're sooo in limbo again. =(. As ALL of cyberspace knows he and I have fidelity problems, of sorts. [shrug] Idk where he and I stand, truthfully. Like, I want to be with him, but all of the lies hurt me more than the actual deeds. & besides that, I don't want my friends to think bad of me. I don't want to be the girl that keeps going back to the guy that hurts her. At the end of the day, though, the pros outweigh the cons with him. I don't know. Our relationship is complicated as HELL.

I graduate on Friday. ^_^. I`m uber excited, maaan. I`ll be sooo done with high school and all of the childishness! Weird, I haven't shed a tear about leaving everyone behind YET. I know that shit is going to set in soon, though...

Anyhooo, I`m off to do soe much needed laundry. I`ve been going commando for waaay too long. =P.

Byeee.

Square one.

I shouldn't care, but I do. You feed me bullshit. BULLSHIT. But hey, everything about the sitch seems trivial right now. Everything about every sitch that has occurred in the past 2 weeks seems trivial.
I`m floating on fucking air, right now, for reasons unbeknownst to my ass. Maybe it's because of R ... ? [smiles] Maybe. He and C came over today/tonight/this morning. Fun fun FUN! R & I were being hella childish, writing notes on each other with Sharpies. ^_^. I haven't been this happy in a long time, and I mean it. I hope he likes me, because it's common knowledge that I like him.. [shrug]
School is done with. Prom is [technically] today but the excitement has worn off. Whomp. Date's bein` a dick again. Graduation is in a week, and I`m more excited about that!
Hm, but that's all I wanted to blog about for the time being. ^_^. Au revoir.
[floats off on happy cloud]

Free.

Free by Deneice Williams reminds me of the days we used to take my great-gran to dialysis.
I miss her.


=((.

claiming other people's kids on yo income tax.

Thought I should bliggity blog before bed. bed time was about 6 hours ago, but whatevs!

Prom is in 2 days. Graduation is in 10. I`m excited for both... to come and fucking GO! Prom is stressful. I`ll be in that dress for a total of 5 hours.. and then what? 10 weeks of preparation goes down the drain. Whompidy. Graduation will last 2 hours, max. four years of prep. fuck my life.

Brandon & I will never get enough of each other. It's weird how we understand each other, but other people don't. Do us a favor and not take sides. It's detrimental to 'friendships'.

Fuck my life. It's 1:16am. I have to get up at 3:30. Good ... morning?

Robo Tussin.

I think I have a new favorite song .. Robo Tussin by Flying Lotus. It's just A Milli put to another beat.. I just really like the beat. Lol. It soothes the spirit.



I haven't blog'd in a little bit. I want to start by talking about Friday. Friday was Mumford's prom. Didn't go to the prom, but the festivities afterwards was soooo hype! Khloe, C, R & I go to the Marriott in the RenCen because Key had a room there. A girl whose name escapes me gave us vodka. Well, she gave C & I vodka. R had to drive and didn't have anything, & Khloe didn't drink by choice. Let me just state that drinking on an empty stomach was a STUPID idea. Within 15 minutes I am in a drunken rage. According to everyone else, I threw Khloe's glasses at C, knocked the ice pitcher down, and was hiding in a desk chair. Lmao. Uhh, at some point, I remember everyone from the 9th floor coming up to our floor (the 38th) and we went up to someone's room on the 59th floor. Things get hazy here. Kieona runs out of the room with a full bottle of 1800, some girl was on the floor talking about cameras, and I yanked her off the floor and ran to the elevator. Roderick was faced down on the floor, I do remember that. On the elevator we were all face first into the floor, because those elevators were NO HOES. They went down fast as helllllll. Erm.. so we're back in the room and someone says that I laid on the floor for 4 hours, but I don't believe them. It felt like 30 minutes. =\. I threw up, and I instantly felt better. ^_^. R & C went to go get food, I remember that. I told R that he was cute, and according to Tori, that "he could get it". I am facepalming myself. Inhibition just LEAVES, doesn't it? They get food, and there is a discussion on R & I. Something about a closet and soiling Kieona's prom dress.. Lmao. I'll leave it at that! Someone in the room found it imperative to tell him all of the things that I shared .. GAH! They come back with food, I eat, I`m sober. Some boy ends up in our room earlier that night had JUST woke up. This was at 6, haha. That nigga got his eight hours ... Erm, we just talk until about eight.. Lollygag until 11:30, basically, and then leaves because C got bitched out by his mother. Bwahahahaha.

I think I have a crush on R. A big one. & I feel like a douche for having it. I know that one of my friends has a crush on him (sorry) and I don't know what to do, truthfully. Whompity. I just think he's really nice, and we sort of click and whatnot. [Khloe definitely told him that she thought he had a stick up his ass on Friday, lmaooo] In other 'crush news', I don't think V & I are progressing, so I may just... drop the idea of a relationship after prom. I don't see it at all. Uh .. oddly enough, I don't see a 'Zewdo' anymore. =(. Makes me sad, but I like us being friends. & plus it's not too much obligation.

I made this blog post to talk about the division between the thread and whatnot but then I realized I don't really give a fuck. I'm getting too old for petty shit, and besides that it feels great to make new friends!

My prom is on Friday. Yaaaay. Graduation is the Friday after that, yaaaaaaaaaaay!! Erm.. That's it, I think? My housing assignment should be here by next week, I believe. I`m nervoussss.

Damaged.

5/12/09
Aunt Portia died yesterday. I`m afraid of calling Heidi or Grandmama, because I can't stand the pain. I'm doing pretty well, and it will all crumble if I hear one of them even sniffle. =\. I hate this. It hasn't sunk in that she isn't physically here. She was seemingly fine when I saw her in January. I hate the way things change so quickly, man. The funeral is on Monday. Can I do it? =\.

5/16/09
Thursday was one of the longest days of my life.. I went to school, I came home and did homework and cleaned up, and then it was off to the Big Sean x Dusty x Drake concert. Talk about a long ass concert, for beginners. I practically MADE myself be outgoing, and I made a few new friends doing so, although they all still out-loud me. Lol. My weird crush on A isn't going away, and it's creeping me out. It doesn't help that people KNOW that I like him.. which means that this is going away any time soon, huh? Either way, I get shivers all up and down my body, even though they shouldn't be there .. I can't explain it. He's one of those .. 'unreachable' niggas to me. I`m a 17 year old nobody, whereas he's... Almost/Finally Famous. Haha. I love my humor. Either way .. I don't know. I`ll get over the whole thing eventually.

Btw, getting home at 7:30 is NO HOE. I was up for literally twenty-four hours. Oh, to make a few people jealous, Drake was in the hotel room next to ours, so I can officially say I`ve been closer to him than most.

I met a few people from Finally Famous, & I really thought they were going to be dickheads, but they really aren't. They're cool as hell, and I wouldn't mind hanging with them again. They make me laugh.

In other news, my prom is in about 2 weeks. I`m sort of excited. Not all the way excited because I didn't want to go in the first place. Kind of excited because my shoes are fucking beautiful. My only hang up is WHO THE FUCK IS GOING TO DO MY HAIR. no no no, HOW am I going to have it? It's stressful. Andddd I have to make nail appointments and whatnot! Stressssfull.

Graduation = June 5th. I need to find a place to have my dinner.

I appreciate the 'greenery' outside.

Supposedly, my mom is buying me another iTouch today. I`m trying not to get too happy about it, just in case she changes her mind or something. But, just in case, I`m about to go put on clothes.

Au revoir.

Deep Waters...

... I`m drowning.
Feeling really depressed.
[shrug] idk why.
11-13 days of school left. [lost count].
I need a new phone.

I would love to be left alone. Bwahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahaha.

This is me blogging from the comforts of my bed, via my phone.

i know who my grandfather is now. Edward Ware, dead from AIDS. =/.

I haven't spoken to my prom date since last Thursday, & I'm trying to go through everything in my head to see if I did anything to offend him, or something. I'm drawing a blank. So uhh.. I really hope he doesn't stand me up because that's grounds for a ruined friendship, I swear it.

I am supposed to be taking a nap, so I'll go do that now ..

bibcards and notecards.

I`m surrounded by them. why in the hell didn`t i start this damned paper last week?! fml.

lately i`ve been curious as hell as to who the flip is my paternal grandfather is. when my father was little, he knew who his dad was, but the guy was always referred to "Uncle So-&-So". Idk, my granny had a lot of baby daddies. When I was 10, someone told me that this mystery guy passed away, and my dad went to the funeral without his children. all this time i've never known what his name is, he'd just be mentioned in passing. about a day ago i had a mental ass breakdown. i`m having an identity crisis. what is my real last name supposed to be? do i have other aunts and uncles and cousins? i just want to know. it doesn't help that no one is answering me. i asked my cousin and she completely ignored me. i texted my father and i got no response. what is going on here? why won't anyone tell me anything? i'm really frustrated.

besides that, i`m pretty good. i have a date for prom, which is in 27 days, so that's great.
School is over even sooner. i don't have to see those dusty hoes ever again after graduation, and that's what keeps me going. ^_^.

today is may 1st, and it's final that i`ll be attending MSU. whoooooop.

i should finish writing note cards now. >_<

MyLoveWillCome.

Lmao @ my facade.
I feel horrible at the moment. I need my great-granny right now, like so srs.
=\
What's even more fucked up that everyone thinks it's a travesty that I'm having a bad day. Whompidy.

And all you wanted was somebody who cared.

What am I doing tomorrow.

Nothing's Gunna Make You Fall From Heaven.

[sigh]
I think it's time to let go.
I'm not blaming you whatsoever, actually it's my fault.
I want my cake, & I'd like to eat it too.
The world doesn't work like that, I know.
I want you to be happy, and I definitely don't want to be the reason why you hurt.
Not anymore.
=\.
Be happy.
You're free from the disappointment who goes by the name of India Donielle Smith.

Poop.

I`m sitting here crying to Dontchange by Musiq.
It makes me think of Dino.
& I`m pretty sure this is like his theme song whenever he sees me.

I feel really bad for putting him through all the shit that I have.
Like, my heart really hurts. =(
Mbah.

You're my superfreak.

Freak Though - T.I. ^_^.

Lately it seems as if I'm my only 'happy' friend. Sure, we bring the best out of each other when we're around each other but I don't believe anyone is just .. content with life at the moment. Call me simple, but I'm just happy to be breathing at the moment. I don't care about my grades, where I'll be sleeping in a few months, or what will even HAPPEN in a few months. I'm just happy to be here NOW.
Not everyone feels that way, and I sense it.
I'm just living life at the moment. Once I get this research paper out of the way, I'm in the free clearing for graduation, so I`m goooood.
I got a 3.6 on my latest report card. What's sucky about that shit is that I REALLY DIDN'T FUCKING TRY. Ain't that a bitch, though? I`ve missed 13 days of French, but still got a B.
I should really do my homework. I'll do it eventually.


Our elongated trek around my corner the other day/night lifted a huge weight off of my shoulders. You don't know how bad secrets weather my body. It's fucking ridiculous.
Why in the fuck are these planes flying so close to my house?!

I keep having dreams that I'm really cool with everyone in Finally Famous. I feel like a creep. I just really like the thought of a group of people that are actually thriving for their dreams. They're like my friends, but in another industry, I suppose.

Ok, I`m really about to do my source cards and whatnot. =(.

I have a feeling that Indie is on her way to being 'known'. ^_^ [Sorryyy about these shitty blog posts. they'll get better, I promise.]

NERD was fucking amazing last night.
Pharrell sang to me ^_^.
Fuck those crowdsurfers though.

she see my wrist blue & yellow like michigan.

eyeeee am not having a very good day, for some random reasons. i'm just really upset. and my stomach hurts. and i'm wearing my glasses. all of that equates a bad day. and the oven keeps stalling at random moments. that pisses me off too.
today dino and i talked about us. he said that he told all of the girls that he was talking to that we're back together and L is the only one that had a problem with it. =\. truthfully i really feel bad for that chick. she was brought into the picture under unfortunate circumstances and she got attached. my heart goes out to her, and i'm so serious. no sarcasm here.
so anyways, back to us. it's hard to explain. i want us to be together eventually, but it's like a 'now or never' kind of thing. i don't want it to be either one of those choices. i hate it.
i think V is mad at me because i didn't want him to come over today. eek. he hasn't texted me since earlier and that's pretty strange.
speaking of he and i ... i think we'd be good together but it's like he's the rebound and that's really not good. i know he doesn't see it that way because he's been trying to get with me since 9th grade and he's just happy to have me in his life... that makes me sad a bit also. i don't want to let him down once more. dino said that that's my problem: my fear of letting people down. idk. idk what to do. like, at all.
i should just not date, huh?

Eeks.

Indie, Don't Do It.

I'm trying to describe how my night transpired:
WEED.
There we go.
Never again.

In other words, I`m letting go of this relationship. Hard decision, but Brandon needs to find his way by himself. I`m tired of being the crutch. No more falling back on me.

Have a great Easter, everyone.

Put up the peace sign..

.... putcha index down.

Yesterday was pretty great.
Went to Charles' house.
Watched everyone get inebriated.
Left.
Discovered some things.

Yep, that was awesome. Hopefully I get to experience a Lil' Wayne/T-Pain/Keri Hilson concert tonight, but if I don't I`ll be fine. I`ll just call up the girls, or something. ^_^.
Off to the mall, I am!

I betcha never seen it like thisss.

I love my friends.
They're the only people I can play Hide 'n' Seek with in the pitch black dark with ... with me in a flimsy skirt and Chucks on.
They're the only people I can 4-way kiss or 3 second kiss [I WANT MY OTHER 7 SECONDS].
They're the only people I can steal movies from. [OotP, YUS].
They're the only people I can show my bum to and they'll praise it.
They're the only people I can be me around!
Yaaaaaay!

Today was awesome. My spring break won't be TOTALLY horrible. ^_^
Until next timeeeee.

SPECIAL GUEST : Key Key Da Baws!

THIS IS A DUO PRODUCTION BETWEEN KEY KEY DA BAWS ET MCINDO.

WE ARE DISCUSSING BOYS WE'RE PHYSICALLY ATTRACTED TO. THIS DOES NOT NECESSARILY MEAN THAT WE WANT TO EFF THEM, BUT IF THE TIME CAME UP WE WOULD NOT CLAIM WE WERE ON OUR PERIODS. -Key.

SRS COULD GET IT. THE BEENEEZ, YOU DIG?! -Indie.

M PROBABLY WILL GET IT. NOT NOW ... BUT, BUT EVENTUALLY. -Key.

[thinks] THIS IS ALWAYS HARD WHEN YOU HAVE TO WRITE IT DOWN. D IS INDEED GETTING THE BEEZNEEZ. I WOULD HALT MY PERIOD FOR THAT NIGGA. ^_^ -Indie.


MH .. AIN'T MET YOU YET, BUT WHEN I DO, YOU GONE B SCREAMIN' MY DAMN NAME. MY FACEBOOK ONE. - Key.

JCB COULD GET IT. MAAAAN, I WISH I WOULD'VE NEVER STOPPED TALKING TO YOU. -Indie.

DD .. I SEE YOU JUST TAKIN' YO' TIME. DON'T WORRY, I'LL WAIT. - Key.

Hmm! Drug Dealer Man With Nice Car [his name slips me] could get some of my time! Shoood, whip that nice ass car of your's into my school's parking lot one day, sweetie! SHOOOOOOOOOD. -Indie.

F .. your impeccable swag makes me retarded if I DIDN'T want you to smash. So .. do that. How're the next 1-2 years looking on your schedule? - Key.

KIEONA'S DADDY WILL BE GETTING THE BEENEEZ WHEN I GET HOME. ^_^. -Indie.

DA .. you are my friend, one of my verryyy best ones but I'll be damned if you don't get it. & I know you want to, so it'll great! - Key.

V ... you can get it. Because I love big guys. =). Shoood, SHO` ME YO MOVES AND WHATNOT. -Indie.

Tenth Grade Boo .. I'm not waiting on you to turn 18. What if you haven't hit your awkward phase yet?! I can't have you get up in when you get ugly and shit.. CALL ME. - Key. & T and DM, I know you're not supposed to get those from the same crew,but shit changin'. Obama our president. Holla!

FINAL NOTE FROM INDIA : College is going to be interesting. [=.

THIS CONCLUDES OUR DUO PRODUCTION. LOOK FOR MORE!

You know, one day I`m just going to stop caring. I think that's what you want, deep down.
[shrug]

I don't know how to feel.

http://www.tbitw.com/

--

It's me and King tonight. On a Friday. I am so lame. I seriously cried because I`m bored. =\.

I've no idea who I`m taking to prom now, because Domo is a dick and I refuse to be bothered with him for practically 12 hours. I refuse.

I`m trying to figure out where my day failed. I feel like shit.

I can't get no ...

Satisfaction..

I`m in the library today. My research paper is due sooner than I thought. Gaaah, I am beyond stressed. The yearbook is due on April 8th and you wanna know how many pages are COMPLETELY completed?! I`m going to say 7. 7 out of 100 pages are finished. I am just going to CRY. I am so overwhelmed. It feels as if I`m carrying everyone's weight in that class. And to top it off I had to skip French in order to finish my purses for Stitchery. [facepalm] I`m ready for the weekend already, and it's only Tuesday.

Speaking of the weekend, I`m skipping out on Renny's Grammy's to have a movie night with V. I`m excited! Now he can finally see Baby Mama. You know, he's really effin` cool. It's taking every fiber out of my being to not just .. fall for him. I`m still in love with Brandon but ... Damn. He makes it really hard, you know? I don't see me being with anyone right now anyways so it doesn't matter how I feel!

This library is an interesting place. I didn't know it had wi-fi, which is how I`m able to type on this here computer! ^_^. A cute guy just helped me plug in my cord to charge my lappy. ^_^.
Today is a semi-good, day.

I need to take down my hair.
I need to look pretty. Lol.

Ok, time to actually start on either these yearbook pages or this research paper... I`m not looking forward to ANY of this. =\

& so it is..

Compare yourself now to the person you were before you had sex.
you're different, correct?
Yeah.




Yeah.

Experience My ..

If I could live in a song, I'd reside in Trilogy by Kelis. That song makes me happy for really random reasons.

I turned a bad day into a good one today. I wasn't planning on leaving the house today because of my hair and my increasingly intolerable face [... internal battle] but I decided to actually be a good student and go to the library. Got some books about Assisted Suicide for my research paper, too! & I went to my cousin's birthday dinner. Pretty ace. I realized how much I missed my cousins today. I`m not even sure what happened to us. Eh. Family.

Grammy's was yesterday. I won Class Smile by a landslide. ^_^. I was preggo-M.I.A. No one on da cornah has swaggah like moi. Whoa, where'd that come from? Lmfao.

It's just me and Kingie tonight. He is the devil reincarnated lately. Tearing shit up and whatnot...

It feels like bugs are crawling on me. Eeks.

I`m about to get a little personal, lol. But almost every night I`ve had the dream that someone rapes me. Each time it's someone new. The first night it was my physician. He had me undress because he had to do a breast exam, and he was being really rough with me. He bent me over a table and ... ya' know .. There was more but .. eh. & every night it is someone new. It ranges from close friends to distant friends and once even my mailman. I need a dream interpreter, 'cause that shit is not fun to dream.

I'm about ready to dye my hair a crazy color. I'm trying to decide if I want to do it now, or wait until after prom. I don't think it'll be wise to have bubblegum pink hair in all of my pictures. I need advice.

homework/bed may be calling me.

I wish it didn't get like this when I try to call you, lol.

Daddy better have a 6-pack in the cooler.

So, I`m in VA. It's not as bad as I imagined it to be. It isn't bootcamp, although I went without texting for 24 hours. Wasn't that bad.

We went to an ace Irish Festival, to a park with grizzlies and bald eagles, and then to B dubs. B Dubs is great if you don't get traditional wings. yech.

I`m thinking about picking up the bagpipe. ^_^

Y'know, coming here has indeed been like rehab, like V said, lol. You have a shit-load of time to think, instead of acting impulsively. I feel so relaxed and certain about my choices, especially dealing with the relationship ones. I don't think it's wise to be back with B at the moment. No, it isn't because of the way I feel about someone else. It's because actions ... happened that I can't necessarily forgive at the moment. Granted, we were having problems at that moment, but if you love me so much, whatever happened between one and that girl should've been the furthest from your mind. Eh. I`m not dwelling, lol.

Ahhhveyyy Mahreeeeyaahh.

Going back to school is going to be stupid, I bet.

Ooh, Chilee.

I have to sing that to myself because no one else will, lol.

I could totally understand if you didn't text me every hour since you've been up there. I could totally understand MORE if those texts weren't filled with 'I <3 you's and the 'I miss you's & 'you've been on my mind since I've been I've been here's.
I WOULD totally understand.
But, since those happened, I can't. How could you POSSIBLY miss me, or want to be with me when you're hugged up on some other bitch? Were you thinking of me when you jumped in the shower with her, prepared to do what I never would?

I guess I deserve this, hm.
I`m going to sleep. I have a plane to catch in the mawnin.

Brandon is in Kalamazoo.
I got suspended from school, so I`m going to Virginia until Thursday.
Meh!

Cry.

It's just me and King again. Brandon left last night. I'm not even sure how to feel about that! It's like, we do need time apart, but I really hate being by myself. That's why I feel so selfish in this situation, and I`m not sure how to fix it. It's all really hard to understand, even to myself.
I love Brandon, but I just don't know about a relationship with him right now. I'm not even going to lie, things were back on track between us before V came into the picture. Everyone--including my mother-- claims that I'm blinded by his money. It's definitely not that, it's just that I've been hit with a bout of nostalgia. Before I met Brandon, I was involved with V, from practically ninth grade to eleventh. When I met Brandon V and I's relationship [even friendship-wise] went to hell. First, I just really missed his friendship so we talked a lot more and Brandon got really irritable about that, claiming that he's my new boyfriend and whatnot. India began to wonder.. It's not like I wanna be with V forever but it would be nice to know ... I can't explain it. that sounds really bad. Well anywho, I believe I liked V a total of two days before I thought it was just overrated but then I began to just feel smothered by the thought of a relationship, so I asked Brandon for time by my lonesome. That brought on many days of fights.
Am I wrong for wanting time to see what I want? I understand that 14 months into a relationship is a terrible time to soul search, but I don't want to go any further blindly. My thoughts are coming out jumbled. =(
Anyways, I believe I`m on punishment, now that Brandon's gone. When we dropped him off my mom told me that I cannot leave this house or have guests. & then she told me how cold hearted I was and how she doesn't understand how I operate ... it was a lot of things. I`m trying to figure out in what country is that acceptable to tell your child. Eh. I guess I am cold hearted... I've stopped caring about most things.

I just reeeealllly need to get to Michigan State before I lose my mind here.

Me back.

Got tired of Wordpress, once more. It's still there, but I missed Blogspot.